Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I'm going to have to go back to childhood for this. In my time, I was occasionally awfully mean. I don't remember why exactly. The grown-up in me now would probably label it as a reaction to insecurity, I suppose. (Look at me, using my camp counselor knowledge! hah.) This is something that could be said of children in general, especially girls... but I digress.
I specifically remember being quite snarky to a friend of mine which led to a whole incident with another not-friend of mine. The girl who was my friend and I finally reached each other by the next recess, both cried together, said sorry and made up. Many birthday sleepovers and whatnot were enjoyed between us until age (she was a year younger) and time made us drift apart.
But the incident with the not-friend became one on a long list that caused me agony up through sixth or maybe seventh grade. Part of me wishes we could have just had it out with fists and moved on, but girl fights are never like that. They're long, toxic, and seething until you (hopefully) realize how pointless it is. I know we were both in the wrong at points and that's probably what makes it hard for me to forgive myself for it. I spent hours throughout my K-12 years fretting over what I had done and what I could do to fix the problem between us. I still think about it sometimes, but I have come to terms with the fact that some things are not fixable. In spite of that, I still can't forgive myself for whatever it is I might have done to make her dislike me so much all those years ago. Maybe if I knew what it was? But I won't ever end up asking, seeing as we don't speak and haven't for years.
Giving up? Or gaining life perspective?
Love&Harmony,
Erin
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
30 Days - Day 2
Day 02 — Something you love about yourself.
I love my smile. I love my smarts. I love my hair. I love my imagination. I love my empathy. I love my wit. I love my terrible puns. I love my laughter. I love my calves. I love my waistline. I love my curiosity. I love my desire to learn. I love how much I care about people, even when it ends up hurting. I love my fingernails now that I've learned to let them grow. I love my strength. I love my spirit.
Love&Harmony,
Erin
I love my smile. I love my smarts. I love my hair. I love my imagination. I love my empathy. I love my wit. I love my terrible puns. I love my laughter. I love my calves. I love my waistline. I love my curiosity. I love my desire to learn. I love how much I care about people, even when it ends up hurting. I love my fingernails now that I've learned to let them grow. I love my strength. I love my spirit.
Love&Harmony,
Erin
Sunday, July 1, 2012
30 Days - Day 1
Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself.
Ouch, harsh way to start this whole thing off.
If I was writing this several years ago, there would probably be plenty of things for me to list off about myself, especially about my body. My self confidence in my teen years was [inwardly] shaky at best, as with most people, I'm sure. Luckily, time, friends, faith, and love have helped change that. I still struggle sometimes, but there is honestly nothing I hate about myself, physically or otherwise.
I admit that there are things I still dislike -- for example, I wish I could be less conscious of my shape sometimes, which is certainly on the chubby side of curvy. On the emotional side, I have a tendency to overthink the meaning behind the words/actions of others (I think a lot of us do this, though) which causes me more anxiety than anything else... lessons in learning to let things go and move on.
But, overall, there isn't anything I can say I hate about myself. My years in high school and college have taught me to accept who I am, learn from myself and my successes/mistakes, and grow into someone better in the days and years to come. I certainly have a long way to go and life to experience, but I'm lucky in that regard!
Love&Harmony,
Erin
Ouch, harsh way to start this whole thing off.
If I was writing this several years ago, there would probably be plenty of things for me to list off about myself, especially about my body. My self confidence in my teen years was [inwardly] shaky at best, as with most people, I'm sure. Luckily, time, friends, faith, and love have helped change that. I still struggle sometimes, but there is honestly nothing I hate about myself, physically or otherwise.
I admit that there are things I still dislike -- for example, I wish I could be less conscious of my shape sometimes, which is certainly on the chubby side of curvy. On the emotional side, I have a tendency to overthink the meaning behind the words/actions of others (I think a lot of us do this, though) which causes me more anxiety than anything else... lessons in learning to let things go and move on.
But, overall, there isn't anything I can say I hate about myself. My years in high school and college have taught me to accept who I am, learn from myself and my successes/mistakes, and grow into someone better in the days and years to come. I certainly have a long way to go and life to experience, but I'm lucky in that regard!
Love&Harmony,
Erin
30 Day Challenge
I got this challenge via my cousin Leanne's blog, which she completed over the month of May. I admired her courage and determination to get through all of the "30 Days of Truth," some of which have pretty touchy subjects.
I decided to give it a shot too! I was going to do it in June, but with 8 days of Girl Scout Camp at the end of the month (as a counselor, guys... not a camper...) I figured July would be a better choice for consistency's sake.
So... here goes nothing - 30 Days of Truth.
Day 01 — Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 — Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 — Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 — Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 — Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 — Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 — Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like dirt.
Day 09 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 — Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 — Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 — A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 — A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 — Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 — Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 — A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 — Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 — What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 — Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 — (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 — Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 — Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 — Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 — The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 — Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 — What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 28 —What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 29 — Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 — A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Love&Harmony,
Erin
I decided to give it a shot too! I was going to do it in June, but with 8 days of Girl Scout Camp at the end of the month (as a counselor, guys... not a camper...) I figured July would be a better choice for consistency's sake.
So... here goes nothing - 30 Days of Truth.
Day 01 — Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 — Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 — Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 — Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 — Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 — Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 — Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like dirt.
Day 09 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 — Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 — Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 — A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 — A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 — Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 — Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 — A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 — Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 — What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 — Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 — (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 — Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 — Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 — Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 — The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 — Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 — What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 28 —What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 29 — Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 — A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Love&Harmony,
Erin
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Two Quotes
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." ~ Psalm 139:7-10 NIV
"We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade, the presence of God. The world is crowded with Him. He walks everywhere incognito. And the incognito is not always hard to penetrate. The real labour is to remember, to attend. In fact, to come awake. Still more to remain awake." ~ C.S. Lewis
"We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade, the presence of God. The world is crowded with Him. He walks everywhere incognito. And the incognito is not always hard to penetrate. The real labour is to remember, to attend. In fact, to come awake. Still more to remain awake." ~ C.S. Lewis
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Being Open - Reflecting
I'm a faith-filled person. A religious person, to an extent. But I'm not exactly a prayerful person -- it's never been a habit for me. I do pray, but not regularly (except for at church, that is).
In spite of it all, especially in my sort of falling away from constant faith in the past couple of years, I am still given answers when I ask. That is the most amazing part to me, truly unconditional love. I'm blessed this summer to be filling in as a singer in our LifeTeen band; worship music is what always brings back my connection to God and faith in His love. It helps me trust and listen. Reflecting and praying on something that has come up in my heart recently, I was given a quick and direct answer - "Be open."
It was/is, of course, applicable to what I was asking about at the time. But living with the thought for the past couple of days has made me realize that I can really apply it to everything in my life. I like plans - knowing what's ahead and having control over the situation. I have to constantly remind myself that the ultimate plan has been laid out - I'm in good hands!
Jeremiah 29:11-13 "11 For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. 12 Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. 13 When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart." (NRS)
If I keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to His love, what can I do but trust in the wondrous hope He provides? :)
Open the Eyes of My Heart, Lord - a favorite song of mine (what else to end a post like this?!)
Love&Harmony,
Erin
P.S. St. Augustine says, "When one sings, one prays twice." I suppose that has to count for something in all of this... :P
In spite of it all, especially in my sort of falling away from constant faith in the past couple of years, I am still given answers when I ask. That is the most amazing part to me, truly unconditional love. I'm blessed this summer to be filling in as a singer in our LifeTeen band; worship music is what always brings back my connection to God and faith in His love. It helps me trust and listen. Reflecting and praying on something that has come up in my heart recently, I was given a quick and direct answer - "Be open."
It was/is, of course, applicable to what I was asking about at the time. But living with the thought for the past couple of days has made me realize that I can really apply it to everything in my life. I like plans - knowing what's ahead and having control over the situation. I have to constantly remind myself that the ultimate plan has been laid out - I'm in good hands!
Jeremiah 29:11-13 "11 For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. 12 Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. 13 When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart." (NRS)
If I keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to His love, what can I do but trust in the wondrous hope He provides? :)
Open the Eyes of My Heart, Lord - a favorite song of mine (what else to end a post like this?!)
Love&Harmony,
Erin
P.S. St. Augustine says, "When one sings, one prays twice." I suppose that has to count for something in all of this... :P
Friday, March 23, 2012
An Apology
"I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been."
~ Relient K.
Life is messy - human beings are messy.
I hold myself and the things I do to high standards (consciously and unconsciously) and I don't always make it there. The past couple of weeks have been one of those times. I do a lot of things in my life and though I enjoy it all, sometimes it gets overwhelming. I don't always let that stress and pressure off in positive ways... lately, I've let my negative emotions out in unkind ways on a lot of the people in my life that I hold close to my heart: my friends. A lot of the time, I didn't even realize it was happening. For that, I am truly and deeply sorry to anyone I may have, or have ever, hurt because of things I said or did or even through the attitude I might have given off.
If you know me at all, you know that my truest self is not that person. I want to be the friend that others can come to, depend on, trust, and feel happy and cared for when they are around me. I hope that that is who I am to you most of the time. But, I'm human, too. I screw up. I'm incredibly thankful for the moments and friends who hold up a mirror for me and remind me, "This isn't who you are." And I'm especially grateful when you forgive me for it. You don't have to, but you do anyway - that is the kind of love I always want to give back to you, too. I'm sorry, and thank you.
I think we're all in need of the break in the week ahead - I'm definitely in need of some time away, to be quiet, reflect, and rejuvenate. And I'll be looking forward to coming back and making the last part of this school year a great one with all of you - my wonderful, talented, and amazing friends. :)
New mantra:
Choose JOY over misery,
Choose KINDNESS over malice,
Choose COURAGE over fear,
Choose LOVE over hate.
So, joy, kindness, courage, and love to you all,
<3 Erin
P.S. Just because it's a good song --
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been (acoustic)
and this one because it's one of my favorite songs --
Up & Up
:)
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been."
~ Relient K.
Life is messy - human beings are messy.
I hold myself and the things I do to high standards (consciously and unconsciously) and I don't always make it there. The past couple of weeks have been one of those times. I do a lot of things in my life and though I enjoy it all, sometimes it gets overwhelming. I don't always let that stress and pressure off in positive ways... lately, I've let my negative emotions out in unkind ways on a lot of the people in my life that I hold close to my heart: my friends. A lot of the time, I didn't even realize it was happening. For that, I am truly and deeply sorry to anyone I may have, or have ever, hurt because of things I said or did or even through the attitude I might have given off.
If you know me at all, you know that my truest self is not that person. I want to be the friend that others can come to, depend on, trust, and feel happy and cared for when they are around me. I hope that that is who I am to you most of the time. But, I'm human, too. I screw up. I'm incredibly thankful for the moments and friends who hold up a mirror for me and remind me, "This isn't who you are." And I'm especially grateful when you forgive me for it. You don't have to, but you do anyway - that is the kind of love I always want to give back to you, too. I'm sorry, and thank you.
I think we're all in need of the break in the week ahead - I'm definitely in need of some time away, to be quiet, reflect, and rejuvenate. And I'll be looking forward to coming back and making the last part of this school year a great one with all of you - my wonderful, talented, and amazing friends. :)
New mantra:
Choose JOY over misery,
Choose KINDNESS over malice,
Choose COURAGE over fear,
Choose LOVE over hate.
So, joy, kindness, courage, and love to you all,
<3 Erin
P.S. Just because it's a good song --
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been (acoustic)
and this one because it's one of my favorite songs --
Up & Up
:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)