I Can't Not Sing

What can you not not do?
What would make life incomplete if you couldn't do it?
What is your passion?
Have you found it yet?
What will you do with your one wild and precious life? (Mary Oliver)

I will sing my song.

Love&Harmony,
Erin

Escaping Boundaries

Today's audition ended up being a challenge.  A little bit in the technique/singing area, but even more so in the acting area.  The woman in charge of hearing the auditions asked if I would "play" with my second piece (Gretchen am Spinnrade, Schubert).  She basically gave me permission to do anything I wanted with the idea of having a complete mental breakdown while singing.  The accompanist suggested drawing inspiration from Market Street.  :)

The result was both expected and liberating - I let go of the sound, the technique came on its own and everything felt more free.  I'm not sure if this makes sense exactly, but it's like the truth of the song started to come from within me and was expressed in my completely letting go.  Like, crawling on the floor letting go, hands in my hair, on my face... you get the idea.  And the expression of truth came from every part of me, not just my face, my eyes, my voice, etc.

This is the kind of holistic training this summer program offers.  It was definitely a non-traditional audition for me and I have no idea whether it was really "good" or "bad."  But I am certainly intrigued and hopeful about getting in now.

My broader point, though, is what holds us back from full freedom of expression when performing (in any capacity) and why do we let it?  It wasn't scary to go that far with it (really, it was quite fun!); more like it felt strange because it's not something I would have ever considered appropriate in an audition setting.  And maybe crawling on the floor is a bit much for a more traditional audition.  However, it certainly beat singing as passionately as I could while feeling awkward about what to do with my hands.  Regardless of the outcome from today, I've learned even just a little bit about escaping the audition/performance boundaries we make in our heads.

Love&Harmony,
Erin

The Best Compliment

The best compliment I get after singing in church is that it helped enhance the mass for at least one person. That is how I know that I am truly serving. Just reflecting about that after mass tonight.

Love&Harmony,
Erin

Singing Revelation

I think I found my "big girl voice" today, or at least the way to finding it. My highest notes had vibrato and no strain, my middle notes felt full and velvety. And nothing has ever felt so easy. Like the voice was bursting from me, with such an exciting feeling of having something to say and express. And it all came back to breath, the balance of breath and pressure (support), the "placement" of each, and the bodily understanding that they are both related but not simultaneous or directly connected with each other. Breath drives all and the muscles/support follow almost instantaneously. But the breath isn't controlled -it is inhale; the intake of breath must be a natural extension of the exhale/presence of support.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I'm mostly working through my teacher's philosophy and self-application. It's been a singing revelation kind of day. Post-lesson, I've never had a better practice room session in my life.

Here's to finally leading to sing (and hoping the lesson sticks!)

Love&Harmony,
Erin

P.S. I realized also that my boyfriend and roommates are essentially weird music conservatory versions of the guys in New Girl. I think I'm dating Nick.  Weird and hilarious and weird.

Reflections on Success

What makes us succeed -- in general, and particularly in singing/music?  I had a really great experience today at an audition.  I can't figure what the outcome will be as they have many more singers to hear across the country, but it was a personal best for me.  This high C just kind of popped out of my mouth.  Assuming it wasn't a complete fluke (certainly didn't feel that way), I've been trying to figure what exactly happened.  I didn't think about it much in the moment, except for maybe something like "breath" and "vowel" and "let all the notes feel where the C feels."  But those weren't even so distinct, and they had to happen all at once for it to come out that way.  So... what led to that?

Practice
I definitely took a break over the holidays, but after about 5 days it was time to kick my butt into gear (especially because all of these arias weren't quite memorized...).  So, I practiced - words, meaning, notes, rhythms, breath -- I mean, inhale!, singing vowel without "placing" anything.  Everything that I had been working on this semester.  Sometimes it clicked, sometimes not so much.  This begs the question, if I had been practicing more in school, would it be more consistent?  I can't say (who could?).  I didn't practice as much as humanly possible, but I worked on making practice count.

Diligence
One of my coaches in fall semester challenged our class to make the most of each practice session.  Rather than working for hours on end, which is not that healthy for singing to begin with, focus on the true trouble spots and work til they are right.  Meaning, don't let a vowel that wasn't so great slip past you.  For me personally (and I think most of my teacher's studio), it starts with making sure each breath is right.  Eventually, you have to put everything together and run the song -- keep going despite something not being quite right.  Hopefully enough diligence in practice results in auto-pilot technique, especially when audition nerves start kicking in!

Asking for Help
The thing is, we can't be successful on our own.  Maybe this works in some fields, but in almost all of music and performance we rely on other people to help make it truly great.  Three of my four arias had not been performed publicly performed and one of them I started on 1.5 to 2 months ago, never mind just memorizing it over break.  I needed to run them with accompaniment; heaven bless Amy, an accompanist (and friend!) from home, whom I called on relatively short notice and was willing to run through the audition rep with me.  This also extends to my wonderful teacher, who gave me one last lesson before the break to make sure I got back on the breathing right horse, which I fell off of the week before juries... There's also all of my coaches and their gold nuggets of advice for musicality and preparation; same with directors.  Of course, the support of friends and peers makes a difference too. Basically, as far as I'm concerned, the success of one person cannot be attributed to just one person.  Behind them are the experiences with, advice from, and encouragement of all those who believe in them to help along the way.


Anyway... just a few overarching thoughts about things that lead to success.  What's also important is upkeep (which could fall under diligence).  One success has to be followed by many more to make a successful career.  Quality upkeep comes from these same ideas, for if one success can be achieved, imagine the others are out there waiting.  :)

Love&Harmony,
ERin

A Singing Career Starts in School

I'll start this off by saying I don't really have the "career" part of my singing life going yet.  It's in a fledgling state if it exists at all.  This is due to the fact that I have been in school, for singing specifically, for the last 5 years.*  Despite this fact sometimes leading to feelings of stunted growth or being chained down, being in school teaches singing students so much about how to become//BE singing professionals, if we're willing to learn the lessons.  In my experience, these include: 

Discipline - in study (akin to all parts of musical practice) and in attendance (would I skip an opera rehearsal just because?) 

Preparation - studying thoroughly (would I be unprepared for my recital jury?), putting in my share of the work (would I let my scene partner down by not knowing my part?), and caring enough to put forth my best effort ("C's get degrees" but would I want my director to think of me as just average?) 

These go hand in hand with the production of quality work, which shows a level of self-respect, which in turn leads to gaining others' respect.  Earning and maintaining that respect with employers/co-workers (aka director, stage manager, leads, chorus, costumers, make-up folks, set construction folks, etc.) is what helps us keep up a good image in the singing world, thus helping provide jobs.  And news of those acting less than professionally travels fast in the small world of singing.

The way we act in school is a chance to practice these lessons which are essential to professional well-being!  For me personally, these are hardly my reasons for working hard in all aspects of school - I really just like academia - but they are skills I recognize having built along my journey, both naturally and through some hard lessons learned.

There are many singing professionals who have written about this, too, and in greater depth.  One of my favorites is Cindy Sadler in her Classical Singer column "Ask Erda."  Look her up!  She doles out the tough-but-best love.

Love&Harmony,

Erin

*Of course I say this and my brain starts singing The Last 5 Years soundtrack... :)