For Yesterday

Oops - missed yesterday. Off to a great start. But sometimes family time is more important. Played Bananagrams with mom, watched Foyle's War with dad and then we all caught an episode of Bones! :) Good times. Gotta get 'em while they're here because I won't be back til March (I think).

Here's to being on track and letting the good things distract us.
Love&Harmony,
Erin

Resolute

Happy New Year!

Seeing as it's been 2014 for almost 24 hours, and I have been ruminating on my resolutions all day -- it's time to get to it.

1 - Write every day on this blog.  Even if it's just a sentence.
2 - Focus on health.  Not losing weight (although that would be a pleasant result), but being healthy.
Meaning:  Less sugar.  Little to no soda. Going out to eat no more than 2-3 times a week, and only as time crunches necessitate.  Find something active and enjoyable and get moving.
3 - Spend less, save more.  (The limit on going out to eat will help this immensely.)
4 - Quality music practicing 5-6 days a week.
5 - Make time for yoga 3+ days a week.

I also really hope to find some quality time to pick up that dang guitar and learn to play it!

To go along with the most of the rest of my FB newsfeed, a bit of reflection on 2013...

Senior year of PLU finished out on many high notes (no pun intended).  Choir of the West was one of the biggest highlights and I will treasure my memories of our tour in Canada and of course of ACDA in Dallas.  I so immensely enjoyed being able to serve the choir as student president, even in the times when I felt really stressed out it was seriously the greatest.  Because at the end of it all I knew I was helping people have a better experience.  It took me until recently, but I realized that I just really love helping people and I feel successful when I know that I could contribute to others' happiness.  Serving as choir president was a big part of figuring that out.
I took a leap of faith and learned to trust in God's plans when it came to the whole graduate school thing.  It was quite a journey to go from relative confidence down to the humbling realization of "it just probably won't happen."  After accepting the fact that I would most likely be living at home for the next year, SFCM came through.  Since finishing out fall semester down in San Francisco, the moment of that acceptance phone call feels forever and a moment ago all at once.  I still struggle with the insecurity of what is in store, but it's all about learning from that moment of accepting what I didn't plan on (both times!).  It's about stepping out onto stormy waters and knowing I'm not going to drown; rather, it's a new adventure ahead, and there is Someone who will be holding my hands all the way.
Moving to San Francisco has been a giant mixed bag.  So much of it is wonderful - especially related to the school side.  I feel that I have grown immensely in the last three months in my understanding of vocal technique that works for me, what being a professional musician means, and especially coming away with a stronger sense of self.  "Starting again" with school at this point means stretching myself to discover new parts of who I am (or develop existing bits) but also having a much firmer foundation to build from.  And of course the people!!  We're all in similar sailing vessels when it comes to this sense of starting fresh and that seems to translate to everyone generally being nice and supportive of each other.  That, and/or I just lucked out by getting into a program of excellent individuals.  I'm lucky to be able to say "I love you" to one particular person.  :)
At the same time, this move away from everything comfortable exposed me to big fears and doubts about what I'm doing.  Part of getting stronger is confronting those.  At times it has been difficult missing home, family, friends, my dog, PLU, the rain... SF has many of those things in different versions, but of course it's not the same.  It's been good to be home for break and I've got some change to look forward to when I get back, and I think those will help settle my heart.

That turned into something much more long-winded than I intended, but there we go.  In short, 2013 was a big one for change and trusting that those changes are going to turn out.  Somehow, they always do, even if it's not the way we expect them to.  What's that line from The Sound of Music? When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.
So, with resolutions and reflections written and posted to the internet for some semblance of accountability -- Here's to 2014!

Love&Harmony,
Erin

22 Things for 22

1 - A lot can happen in one year that changes who you are, your dreams, and where you are headed in life.
2 - Always tell the people you love that you love them.
3 - A good leader does their best to serve the people they are leading.
4 - There is nothing like being in a really fantastic choir.
5 - Practice purposefully.
6 - Don't compete with others; simply work to improve yourself.
7 - God's love is never failing.
8 - It's okay to say no.
9 - But don't always be afraid to say yes - it can lead to wonderful things.
10 - Memorizing loads of Italian is freaking hard.
11 - Procrastination is never worth it.
12 - Take pictures.  Print them too.
13 - Praise those around you for their talents, both visible and hidden.
14 - Age and weight are just numbers.  They don't determine who you are.
15 - Loving yourself is the best beauty regimen you can use.
16 - Confidence is highly attractive.  Tread wisely.
17 - The best memories are made from laughter.
18 - Be open to life and discovery.
19 - Feminist males exist!
20 - Being vulnerable can allow others to surprise you when they come through for you.
21 - Breathe.  There is a reason and a plan.
22 - Happiness is the act of rejoicing in your circumstances.  Choose to smile.  Choose to laugh.  Choose to love.


Looking forward to making this year a particularly golden one.

Love&Harmony,
Erin

Blemishes & Blessings 1

In an attempt to write more -- I'm trying to start up some day-of-the-week oriented posts (or... I guess you could call them "weekly"... hah)

Hence: Sundays - Blemishes & Blessings

Blemishes (things that have made the past week less than ideal):
- Starting work tomorrow... I have sworn for the past 3 years that it was my last summer... here I am for number 5.  *sigh*
- Packing and unpacking.  Two of my least favorite things.  Is it too much to ask for a little Harry Potter magic to just conjure everything from one place to another?
- Needing to go through piles of papers.  Particularly sheet music, which I am very bad at giving up.  It's that "but I might use it someday" mentality...  I'm planning on starting on that this week.  We'll see.
- Saying goodbye to dear friends.  For a long time.  Possibly forever.

Blessings (things that have made this week great!):
- Graduating from PLU.  I did it!  Not that it's hard to believe, per say, but I've realized that it's a pretty darn big accomplishment!
- Being at home.  A comfy bed, food in the fridge (that I don't have to pay for), a dog to play with, being with my family.  It's good.  :)
- Having a job.  While it's hardly my ideal, it's a full-time, paying job - I'm lucky to have it.  Just have to keep remembering that.
- Singing at church!  I'm back for the summer with Truthful Reign!  There are few things that make me happier than helping lead worship through song at mass.  I've got just about 8 weeks with them and will be soaking up every minute.  :)
- I've got a gift card for a massage... I need to use that.  :)


The Gospel reading this week was the feeding of over 5,000 people.  It struck me as an example of how God will always provide, even when things look dim.  The homily speakers pointed out how all we can give is so little compared to God's power, but how the Lord takes the little we are able to provide and magnifies it into something greater than we could ever imagine.  A happy thought for the week ahead.

Love&Harmony,
Erin

Life Post Graduation

Life is currently small.

Not narrow - never narrow when I've got books to read, movies to watch, songs to sing, internet to get lost in.

But certainly small.  Covering apples in maggot barriers (it's an "organic gardening" thing...), walking the dog, feeding the dog, playing with the dog, telling the dog to be quiet, sleeping, reading, reluctantly calling work (start on Monday, yikes!), band practice (yay!), working on music, noticing if it's not raining.  This is what life is made of right now.

Some days it's wonderful.  Sometimes I have to fight a slight tinge of resentment or boredom.  I'm just so used to being busy, being surrounded by people - friends - who are doing things.  For as intimidating as this whole moving to San Francisco thing is, I'm really grateful it's going to happen.  I was under the impression that I could handle a year at home... not sure about that now.

Don't get me wrong.  Home is wonderful and there's nothing wrong with life having times of smallness.  But it's helping me realize that I am still looking for my life and what's out there.  It's reminding me that there are bigger plans for me - the whole reason I started on that 4-year degree in the first place.  :)

For now, I get to sleep, help around the house, spend time with my family, and have a second to breathe and reflect.  Like I said, there's nothing the matter with small.


Love&Harmony,
Erin

Perspective

Dusting off Ye Olde Blogge this morning...

This morning I stumbled across some PLU Wind Ensemble recordings on my iPod.  Listening to that and the Choral Union concert last night, I'm realizing just how great we have it here at PLU.  We are under the direction of first-rate musicians!  And they are teaching us how to be the same thing!

In my time at PLU I will have performed in 4 different countries and been a part of the premiere of at least 5 new works - 3 where I know the composer personally.  I have sung under the direction of two nationally-recognized choral conductors, who also happen to be really down-to-earth, awesome people.

It feels silly to be having this realization 3 months before graduation.  I already knew this, and acknowledged it, but somehow it didn't quite hit me at the core (20-20 hindsight I suppose).

.....
Updated much later.  Basically 3 months later...

I got the chance to sing for/work with a world-renowned baritone.  I was able to give a senior recital before numerous friends and family.  I got off the wait-list and an fully accepted into one of the best voice master's programs on the West Coast.  All because of PLU, their high-quality standards, and care for their students.

I have been blessed to be able to listen to many of my peers give wonderful performances in recitals of their own.  People I have the privilege to work beside every day.  I have witnessed their growth, their struggles, and especially their triumphs.  I have hopefully helped them as much as they have helped me.  4 years of PLU has been the fastest, longest, wildest, most wonderful ride of my life to date.

I am struggling with thinking about leaving.  I am excited for the opportunities ahead of me.  It makes it easier knowing I will still be a student (in a school-sense) for a little while longer.  But I can feel myself closing off from "end of the year" feelings and gatherings and discussions and ... just... anything.  If I ignore it, it can't hurt me.  It's wrong, but that's the mentality I'm working with here.  Because otherwise I have to admit that this oasis in my life is just that - a temporary place of rest and enjoyment in the broader journey of life.  There are bigger things ahead, but it's scary to leave, not knowing how long it will be until the next "comfy spot."

Ideally this would end on a positive note... yes, things will be fine.  There is hope that the people who matter will stay in contact.  I believe that.  I'm gonna try.  But since I'm avoiding thinking about endings...

Love&Harmony,
Erin

If

If I seem distant
Or moody
Or unwilling
Or a little cold

If I seem insincere
Or tired
Or grumpy
Or a little anti-social

It's only because I'm avoiding saying goodbye
Or even thinking about saying goodbye.

It's not a forever goodbye,
Just a for now goodbye.

But it's still something I don't want to say
Please don't make me say it.

Let me whisper it at the last moment
With a hug and a tear and a smile.