Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I'm going to have to go back to childhood for this. In my time, I was occasionally awfully mean. I don't remember why exactly. The grown-up in me now would probably label it as a reaction to insecurity, I suppose. (Look at me, using my camp counselor knowledge! hah.) This is something that could be said of children in general, especially girls... but I digress.
I specifically remember being quite snarky to a friend of mine which led to a whole incident with another not-friend of mine. The girl who was my friend and I finally reached each other by the next recess, both cried together, said sorry and made up. Many birthday sleepovers and whatnot were enjoyed between us until age (she was a year younger) and time made us drift apart.
But the incident with the not-friend became one on a long list that caused me agony up through sixth or maybe seventh grade. Part of me wishes we could have just had it out with fists and moved on, but girl fights are never like that. They're long, toxic, and seething until you (hopefully) realize how pointless it is. I know we were both in the wrong at points and that's probably what makes it hard for me to forgive myself for it. I spent hours throughout my K-12 years fretting over what I had done and what I could do to fix the problem between us. I still think about it sometimes, but I have come to terms with the fact that some things are not fixable. In spite of that, I still can't forgive myself for whatever it is I might have done to make her dislike me so much all those years ago. Maybe if I knew what it was? But I won't ever end up asking, seeing as we don't speak and haven't for years.
Giving up? Or gaining life perspective?
Love&Harmony,
Erin
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